It's great to see that the number of people that view my site has decreased. I know it's probably not that interesting but that's okay. I get it.
I just realized tonight that I think I understand why people with depression might do harm to themselves. Nobody understands them.
I was diagnosed with major depression in August of 2000 and have been on anti-depressants ever since. I don't find this embarrassing because it is a legitimate medical condition but people with depression work on trying to maintain a normal life but things are different in their minds.
We think a lot. Sometimes about us but more about other people. We are wired differently and we may be more in tune to this.
I find that when I am hurt emotionally or mentally I try to understand what the other person is going thru and why they did this.
I also wonder is the person, if I am in a relationship, are they happy knowing that I have depression which may cause me to act differently.
I don't know.
I judge myself. I have expectations of myself. A lot of the time I feel that I am not meeting those expectations. Not achieving what I want to achieve.
In life, relationships, careers, etc.
I was a Firefighter and I was very proud of the job and proud of myself. I did my job regardless of what orders were given to me by a superior. To me though, even since I retired, it's not enough. I have a drive, a motivation to accomplish something but I don't know what that is which is very frustrating. I feel the effects but then so do people who I love. Family, friends but I can't put into words what the drive is for me to accept what I've done.
People have told me, Wow you were a firefighter, that's awesome. And to me it's means nothing. It was satisfying but only to a point. I think that depression prevents us to fully see what we have accomplished and makes us think we have to achieve more. Some people can handle it and some can't which leads to unfortunate circumstances.
The unfortunate circumstances are a release to these feelings but cause sorrow to family and friends.
I get it.
Even I have wished that I understood more but I have never had feelings to do harm.
People have asked" What does it feel like?" Regardless of how you try to describe it, you can't, not matter how you try because unless you have gone thru it a person would never understand.
It has been very busy for me. In partnership with a friend of mine, Neil McArthur, and we have (more Neil than myself) started a new theatre company. Protagonista Theatre Co. is the name and our first performance/project is in February of 2019 at the Colin Jackson Theatre located at PTE. Stay tuned for ticket info.
I am learning a lot about theatre, which I love and busy doing props, finding out about grants, etc.
Nothing else too much new but I am trying to get back regularly to taekwondo and rehearsing for the play.
We are also, fingers crossed, going to be doing a Fringe Show in 2019 as long as we get a venue.
Went to Mona's family reunion and had a great time. Really hot temp's though but we had our mister with us. Really helps keep you cool. Had a great time also feeding bull calf's. Never did that before and they had to be bottle fed. Check out the clip. Not much been going on. Waiting for tomatoes to ripen to make some salsa that I'm going to can.
Not much going on in the acting world for me. Haven't had an audition lately but that's the way it is. Haven't gone fishing either due to the temps. River is low by a couple of feet and so is L. Winnipeg. Golf game is okay.
Have a great weekend.
Struggles in life regarding certain things you cannot change. I've had to put up with a lot of jokes, comments, etc. regarding my height but they have only given me the drive, motivation to go further.
Nothings much going on but missed out on an audition. Bummer. Sorry that I can't seem to line up the videos that I do. Please leave a comment because I get a email that x number of people have visited my site and if you are relatives great! Thanks Mom. But I would like to have an idea as to who you are.
Video for July 30th. Can't believe that this month is almost over.
Made a few comments regarding driving while texting. If you agree or disagree leave a comment
Went to friends cabin this weekend and was 1st Mate on the pontoon boat. Had a great time, weather was fantastic and the water was so nice to swim in.
This is a song I remembered from elementary school. It was from a musical that we were supposed to do back in Grade 3 or 4 but our music teacher started having health issues.
Was able to pick enough beans from our garden box to make one jar of pickled beans. Never made them before so we will see how they will taste an a couple of weeks.
Made pickled eggs yesterday and we'll see how they are in a week.
Had technical difficulties with some video today so I was only able to post a portion of it but I'm getting better at it.